FORUM PASSAGE: GOING BEYOND The Surfing The Apocalypse Network

I'm a weary-worn old scout right now. A couple of my dearest companions and friends have recently checked out of this dreary world,  first the lovely Mary, my college sweetheart and first wife of 20 years. Now the swarthy Celt, Ironhart Billy Mercer passed on. Well dear ones, we will all soon dance the Irish jig in Paradise! HAIL TO THE TRAVELER!

Please don't send condolences, rather I'd like to hear from y'all concerning life and death, your beliefs, near-death experiences, and glimpses of the other side. This is a taboo subject in our culture, but let us do the ORBIT dare: LIFE, DEATH AND PASSAGE. Go for it! I'll post your comments, anon. I realize this all seems rather personal, maybe even unprofessional, but I'm not really a Pro news guy, just an old coot, feeling somehow that we need to share our ideas. So for a couple of days I am setting aside fireballs, wars and politics; because this deeper dialogue for me now is more important! Although, sigh, seems almost symbolic, this item just reported: 'It was loud enough to shake the house'  two thunderous explosions a split second apart rocked the sky.--Kent Steadman

APPROPRIATE MUSIC: Sheebeg Sheemore, O'Carolan, 16th Century Celtic harpist [both Mary and Billy played this].

Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, the world renowned Sufi master and mystic, passed peacefully from this world Thursday, June 17th. Pir Vilayat took his last breath at 7:27pm, at his home in Suresnes France, with his close family and a few of his close friends around him.

Date: 6/19/04 12:59:28 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Last week was Marah’s “scattering” It was a warm-actually hot Sunday afternoon. A beautiful day! we all gathered at Carmel River Beach (Where I had once photographed her for her website). Behind us ( out of sight) was the Carmelite Monastery. Across the bay–Point Lobos loomed. It was a clear sunny day. Blankets were laid at the edge of the Pacific and over these a circular cloth embroidered with beautiful¬Celtic floral designs where her portrait, crystals, and totems of some of her favorite things were lain…Yosemite, a bird, nature...Around us life flourished. The sun was hot and the waves were cobalt and teal. If ever there was day that reflected one of Marah’s paintings of her beloved Monterey Coast–this was it. The sun reflected white light on the edge of every wave-sparkling like crystals–pin pricks on her watercolor waves...An occasional gull glided in place-as if to nod it’s head and offer it’s respects. As you know, Marah loved nature and now the earth¬all of nature¬was at attention making this day just as she would have had it. It really was perfect!

We all spoke of Marah as if she were somehow gone-yet still right here with us. God was surely present and so we knew Marah was too. There were stories of love, lessons learned and meanings yet to be divulged perhaps. She was a special person and it was an honor to have been even a small part of her rich life. I see now, some of the lessons she was here to teach me-that I didn’t realize before. Her work was apparently done.

Date: 6/21/04 5:48:30 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Hi Kent, I just wanted to let you know that Billy's passin is not going to go unremarked. We have reserved Club Fred for July 11 (it was the old Olympia tavern) and that the folklore society will most likely turn out, Pipe on the Hob will most likely play and Glen Delpit and others that you may know or remember. Damn, I told myself I wouldn't start cryin again! Thanks for the notice in your web pages, he counted you a good friend Kent.

Yours in sorrow--


Subj: life death time

Date: 6/19/04 9:19:49 AM Pacific Daylight Time

From: ANON


Sent from the Internet (Details)

The discovery of quantum physics and quantum particles that are resident in our brains should lead one to realize that the reason up until now the hereafter has been elusive to scientific inquiry is because we didnt have the means to even quantify our questions much less investigate or navigate within it. Now, as we slowly build quantum computing capacity we will finally be able to begin. Brain scans up until now have yeilded precious little and often conflicting results such as how the brain processes when under psychodelic substances but once the doorway is opened to our place in the quantum universe via unlimited quantum computing, time, space , people long gone and people yet come should be readily accessable once we harness and understand this new level of existence. Not that its new, only our understanding and discovery of it and our soon to be active participate within it.

imho e


Subj: The Passage

Date: 6/19/04 10:09:28 AM Pacific Daylight Time

From: ANON


Sent from the Internet (Details)

Dear Kent

The cycle of life is the one true reality. We are born and then born again. I have been through a near death experience. Many strange events in my life have proven to me that there is more than we can see with our flesh and blood eyes. Life continues beyond the body. We are much more than our bodies and minds. How we can be contained in such a small space as our body is a larger question than I can understand.

Celebrate the passage of your dear friends. They are reunited with many who have gone before them. Free from this house of pain. Surrounded by loved ones hearing once again the music of the heavens, feeling the warm comforting light surrounding them. They are home and will be waiting there for you to join them.

Light a candle for them and remember all the wonderful things that made them so special to you. And laugh at all the good times you had. This will be your gift to them.

Love to you


Date: 6/19/04 10:00:33 AM Pacific Daylight Time

From: ANON



kent, up to the time i almost died in 1996, i would say, if one asked me about death, i believed ,what the bible told us, that is king james, bible, and of course, iwould have been lying, because i was still living the same way ,i had been since the sixies, and then i had three years stuck in a bed to really think about it, and read ,really read the bible, and at one point i broke down, and cried for about a week, because i knew it was all true, and god loved me that much, and all he asked is for me to love him and all people the way i loved myself, not a lot to ask? well as i see and read everything going on now with your site and many others, i am seeing the bible come a live,each and everyday, and yes the bad parts i believe are near. but i leave you with this, jesus said, be of good cheer, for i have over come the world


Date: 6/19/04 10:29:07 AM Pacific Daylight Time

From: ANON


Sheesh, and all I was worried about were a few comets!!!! Probably more to this than simply speculation, everything seems so 'edgy' lately. Hope you have come through the initial grieving process intact. Did you ever read 'Many lives, many masters? (reincarnation), I think Brian Weiss(author)? I am of the mind that sais there really is no 'death' and I have been present for thousands. I know, you're thinkin', "nah, she was dead alright" , aren't you? My best to you and yours, Kerry


Date: 6/19/04 10:55:41 AM Pacific Daylight Time



I hear ya callin' ! No doubt you're going through some life changes, major realizations, and possibly even a little depression right now. Well rest assured, it means you're human, and a caring one at that. As much as we try to analyze the meaning of these changes, no answer will be given... for the answer is already in us, and these trials of spirit are merely a stop sign to make you pause and reflect.

Personally, I find the whole issue of life and death a rather interesting dilemma. I mean, we can celebrate life every instant of every day, hearing a baby's laugh, witnessing the freedom of birds in flight, the sweet smell of lavender in the breeze, and the awesome colors displayed in the sunset. Yet we know that this is all temporary, perhaps even an illusion, and that the "other side" holds far more joy and wonderment than we can even imagine. So, we struggle to use our time in this plane to the fullest, sharing with those we care about, even caring about those we don't really know (especially children, for they are the innocent, at least for a while), and enjoying the things we have to experience here (friendships, art, music, nature, sports, etc.). And all the while, we look forward to the truth and freedom we'll receive when we leave our physical shell and material things behind, moving on to another (more pure?) spiritual energy form. It's like we want to stay here (tis hard to let go), AND at the same time, we want to move on towards the light, where all things are possible and our problems don't exist. I wrestle with these thoughts almost every day. I want to accomplish so much more, and I want so much for my family, yet I also want to move on, especially during the tough times like I'm going through now. It's a constant tug-o-war in my head.

So alas, I plug along, making the most I can of every moment, even if that means ignoring my chores (which causes its own stress, and affects others too) just so I can relax for a few and suck up the little things around me, the things most people miss or aren't even aware of. During the day I share my love and concern with my kids, helping prepare them for their future, regardless of what it holds, letting them know that they're loved, and that life is theirs for the taking, encouraging them to try things, think outside the box, and search for the truth. And at night I cry in advance for the time when I'll leave them behind, probably feeling like our time was too short, and perhaps departing with regrets.

Well this is life my friend ! It's truly amazing to ponder and experience... and there's really no end. Just remember, we're all connected to each other and the universe, and those connections will always remain, regardless of time and this physical realm. The spirit of our departed loved ones will remain around us, as will ours when we cross over. Remember, there would be no joy without despair and no light without darkness. And as for life and death, well, maybe they're not really opposites, perhaps they're one in the same, it's merely a mile marker on the highway of our universal journey.

Take care you old coot, and try not to "think" too much, just enjoy the ride and scenery ! And feel free to contact me anytime, for it's these types of discussions that really make me feel alive. Call me collect should you feel compelled, although times are financially sparse for a lot of us, I would gladly leave the phone bill behind as my smiling spirit soars to new heights. And please don't hesitate to ask, if there's anything I can do for you. I don't have much resource, but I have a lot of will and determination. Carry on soldier, you're doing great !


Date: 6/19/04 11:40:29 AM Pacific Daylight Time

From: ANON

To: This is a great story, and you will enjoy reading it.

The Old Phone

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall.

The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person.

Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothing she did not know.

Information Please could supply anyone's number and the correct time. My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy.

I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear.


"I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.

"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.

"Nobody's home but me," I blubbered.

"Are you bleeding?" the voice asked.

"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."

"Can you open the icebox?" she asked.

I said I could. "Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice.

After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts. Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died.

I called, Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?"

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Paul always remember that there are other worlds to sing in."

Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please." "Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?"

I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall.


Date: 6/19/04 12:58:19 PM Pacific Daylight Time

From: ANON


To Kent Steadman, on the passing of dearly beloved souls from our lives, dealing with the hole that is left behind when someone dies.

These two comments, from my beloved lifelong teacher now on the other side, Eileen Bennett, say it all.... she would say when ministering at funerals to the loved ones grieving,



She taught that the chain of love is eternal, unbroken. You and me all other souls are all connected in the heart to the truth, and Our Loving Father/Creator Promises that we "shall know the height, the depth and the breadth - the fullness of the Kingdom".


BEYOND APPEARANCES OF LIFE AND DEATH. Jesus many times said "let the dead bury the dead. He was speaking of humans walking around appearing to be alive.... our perspective is so limited.

It is time NOW to claim our birthright, inheritance.

To get REAL. Authentic. That God Calls us NOW and says "what have you..... done, been, said, taught, acted, thought, all that you really are, no excuses". IMMORTALITY is what my teacher taught us.

Even though she has passed on as well, in her eighties, she taught us that we are to hold on to NOW, moving into new paradigms. She with a group of us since l974, studied the isues that are alive in the headlines today, unfolding.

The Good Book says "I will never, never, never forsake you" ....

It IS the TRUTH, LOVE, LIGHT ITSELF that IS our personal connection.





Date: 6/19/04 2:22:08 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Hi Kent,

I will share my experiences with you. I have told almost everyone I've met about these experiences but I've never written them down. I have three death related stories, the first of which is simply that when I was born I remembered my death in a previous life.

I remember being killed by a Japanese soldier. I was a soldier though I'm not positive what country, I assume the US and I assume it was WWII though I don't remember any of those details. I had a large rifle and was surprised by seeing a soldier to my left. I turned and fired the rifle, hitting the soldier in his left side. I then realized this soldier was an old man, maybe in his 50's or 60's. He looked shocked that I had shot him. I felt ashamed and incredibly sorry that I had shot him. I threw down my rifle and and was reaching for my medical kit as I aproached him, intending to try to treat his wound though I could see I had mortally wounded him. As soon as I was close enough, he drew a sword with his right hand (I didn't even realize he had one) and slashed across my stomach cutting me open and killing me. I remembered this like it had happened in my current life and was plagued by nightmares of this incident most of the time I was an infant and up untill I was about 2 years old when I stopped having the vivid dreams.

I'm lucky to be able to remember all the way back to my birth. I never realized everyone didn't have this ability until I was in my twenties. To this day, (I'm 54 now) I can remember everything with no gaps back to when I was an infant unable to talk or even sit up (and I remember how frustrating it was). I always remembered the feeling of shame at shooting this man, my feeling of forgiveness for his killing me. I joked with friends that I was a "born pacifist" but to me it was no joke, I could never try to kill another human being for any reason in my life.

My second incident was a near-death experince when I was 18 years old. Without going into all the details of why this happened, I overdosed on barbituates and died. I was at a friend's house and her roommate (Audrey, who fortunately was a nurse) was the only other person there. I went in the kitchen and shot a spoonful of mixed capsuls I had found (1 seconal and 1 nembutal (sp?)) into my left arm. Before I even got the needle out I knew it was too much. I barely made it into the living room and lay down on the couch. As soon as I laid down I left my body and was floating in the room. I could see Audrey sitting across the room reading a magazine and I could see my body lying on the couch. The reason I didn't keep drifting away was an amazing thing. There were two hands holding my head, craddling it from behind. My head was like an empty clay vase that had cracked all the way around. The hands were gratting the two halves together just slightly, enough so there was a sensation of the two halves scrapping against each other. Just enough to keep me in the room trying to figure out who's hands these were. Audrey looked over and said "Are you okay?" and the hands rolled my head as though to say "no". She jumped up and saved my life, pumping on my chest, putting ice cubes in my shirt and dragging me off the couch and carrying me to the kitchen and then back towards the living room when I drained back into my body (like ink pouring into an ink bottle) and opened my eyes. I've always wondered who the hands belonged to, there was such a feeling of purity and good I got from them. Within a few months I had stopped doing drugs, kicked my habit and once again got on a more spiritual path. I never touched needles or hard drugs again.

The next experience came years later, when I was in my early twenties and was living in San Francisco. This is the most vivd death experience of the three and was also the most unusal. A friend stopped by my house and left a book for me. It was called Tibetan Yoga and Secret Doctrines. That night, my partner Andrea was reading a book in bed and so I decided to read the one I had gotten that day. When I opened the book there were photos in the front of some Tibetan Masters. One of them seemed to be alive, and looking at me. I stared at it for a while, realizing how crazy it was but he was alive and breathing and staring back at me. He seemed to be telling me to open the book so I opened it at random and it was just like in the movies when they show a book and you're supposed to focus on a particular paragraph, one part of the page was lighted that way and the rest was in shadow.

The top of the paragraph had a headline that said "On Realizing the Dream State". The paragraph described an exercise that involved doing a particular type of yoga breathing while using the thumb and little finger of your right hand to close your right nostril and constrict your jugular vein. I did this... almost immediately (in seconds, not minutes) I saw the same guy from the front of the book float into the room and sit over in the corner. He wasn't full-sized, he was about three feet tall and was blue, sitting in a similar position and floating about a foot above the floor, and looking rather stern and serious. I became aware that there were a bunch of people in the storage room under our bedroom (like a basement) talking loudly. I realized it was all people I had known or met in my life and they were talking about me. They were telling stories about how I had hurt them and I could hear the conversations pefectly clear. I looked over at my friend and she appeared to have fallen asleep with her book still in her hands. The conversations under the house became louder and more spirited. Now they were yelling and getting more angry, some of them slamming cups on the table and some putting weapons on the table. I looked over at the Tibetan in the corner and he had his eyes closed. I tried to wake up Andrea and she wouldn't wake up. I even shook her but she didn't open her eyes. I got up and walked out into the kitchen, where the stairs outside go down to the rooms under the house (we hand the ground-floor flat but there was another story of stairs out the back which led to the storage rooms and the back yard. All this time I heard the conversations from the group downstairs. They were all friends but were describing terrible things I had done, mostly unconsciously, to hurt them. Times I had not been appreciative of someone's effort or ignored or insulted someone when they needed my attention, incidents like that but that were the source of terrible pain for the people who were inolved.

I went back in the bedroom and sat back on the bed, the yelling had reached a crescendo and I knew it was loud enough it should have caused a lot of attention from the neighbors, and surely should have awoken Andrea. I realized this was for me alone. The group downstairs had started loading weapons noisily, slamming clips in autimatic rifles, chambering rounds, pulling out knives and swords... it was going to be a holocaust in my bedroom. The Tibetan in the corner was now staring at me. I heard them say "let's get him" and charge for the stairs. The house shook as this thundering mob came charging up the rickety stairs and burst through the back door... I knew I was going to die, the old man was still staring at me and I told him in my mind "it's okay, I've been listening to all the pain I caused people who loved me, I deserve to die" and his eyes seemed to be filled with compassion as the mob burst through the bedroom door.

Suddenly I was in a swordfight. I was fighting someone I couldn't see with a sword and I was doing pretty good too. My opponent was in shadow, I couldn't see him but I could see his arm and his sword and was fighting for my life. I was curious what period I was in, I thought this looked like a movie and I wondered what my clothes looked like. When I looked at my sleeve to see what I was wearing, I was distracted for only a second but it was enough for my opponent to run his sword straight through my heart (this really hurt!). I instantly was in a dark place. There was nothing there but darkness, no sensation, no sound, no movement, no body, nothing at all. I realized however that I was still there. I figured I was dead and this was what came after you die and I was very glad that I still existed. It was disconcerting though that it seemed like nothing else existed. Then there was a "tink" somewhere in the black space. A pin-prick in the blackness somewhere far away. I immediately started moving towards the spot where this had happened. When I realized I was moving I thought I can't be moving unless it's relative to something and instantly a "skin" started to form around me. I accelerated to a blinding speed towards the spot where the pin-prick had occurred and was being enveloped by a skin so that I was now moving in a defined space, not an empty space. As I approached the "spot" the skin had completely engulfed me, the speed was enormous and I burst into harsh, bright lights and was being held up by the feet in a baby's body. Every muscle in my body was aching horribly, I was wracked with pain, until I screamed and my lungs filled with air. At that moment I felt completely in harmony with nature, a perfect comfort that I could never describe, and the light changed as well being softer, warmer shades of green and gold, and I realized I had just been born!

Then, my eyes opened and I was still sitting on the bed in San Francisco. The old man in the corner was now smiling, his face beaming with light and tears were rolling down his face. There was bright light coming from him and he looked absolutely godlike but more loving and compassionate than I have ever imagined any being could appear. (tears just welled up in my eyes writting this... the memory is so wonderful - to know that beings with such a pure love for mankind exist. I can't believe I'm actually crying with joy at the memory, that's never happened before the hundreds of times I've told this story.) Anyway, the Tibetan nodded to me (seemed to wink too) and floated out the window and away. Andrea then woke up and practically yelled "What was that?!". She said she remembered me shaking her trying to wake her but she couldn't move. She described it as feeling like there was a giant hand holding her down, like she was paralyzed and submerged just below the surface of a pond or under a thick blanket. She tried to stir or awaken but couldn't and definitely felt there was an outside source keeping her in this state.

Needless to say, I was stunned. I feel that ever since I've been a better person, but not good enough to do credit to this experience. I feel almost guilty to have been given such an incredible glimpse into "life and death" and not gone on to do something profound with it. I always tell people that I think when we die we are judged for the interaction we've had with our fellow humans, how much have we hurt other people being the measure of our worth (or lack of it).

When I read on your website about your friends passing away, and your request for passage related stories, I thought what a perfect time to finally write these experiences down and share them with a wider audience. I was impressed by how you approached your grief and you gave me the courage and the motivation to try to relate this in text. Probably anyone who has ever met me knows who is writting this, I've been very open about sharing these experiences all my life. To all of them I say thank you for being a friend and thank you for your kindness. We should never forget that kindness is only possible if another living being is present and how enriched our spirits are to be able to share our lives with so many other living beings.

I know you don't want to hear this but you have my heartfelt sympathy for your loss. Know that they are still alive and rejoice for that but you will have to suffer the loss of their company in your own heart.

Thanks for all you do to inform us. You help to make the world a bit less mysterious and more wondrous at the same time.


Date: 6/19/04 5:58:23 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Life is short but there is a time when you can receive the message of life eternal throught God"s son Jesus who is the eternal life and trust in him is the only way we will ever get to that place called Heaven.


Date: 6/19/04 7:18:21 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Dear Kent,

I'm a traveler as you are, and just as lost. I learned, though, to enjoy the state, actually... To accept, nay, to LOVE our state of not knowing, to simply acknowledge our absolute ignorance, even regarding ourselves... I find it's a great antidote, like a balm on our wound, or separation.

At the end, it's like become again children to the only mother of us all, existence, life itself, in whose origin nothing is ever lost.

I come from her, and she lives in me... everybody can say the same, and...who the zero point I'll meet your friends. Perhaps we'll be without name and form, who knows?

Who cares? Only life is, nothing else exists. Consciousness is all, and all is consciousness is the deepest koan that will reveal itself.


Date: 6/19/04 7:49:34 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Hi Kent,

I kmow it is hard to deal with so many people leaving now. Some say  the world is changing and many must decide to either change with it  or leave. Some say that those who leave do so because they can  actually be of more assistance in the change from the other side.  Since we are on an accelerating timetable, it will probably become  more intense before it subsides.

In some quiet moment I hope you are blessed with feeling the presence  of these ones you know so well. Perhaps right before falling asleep, standing in the shower, taking a walk...The Veil is thinning and it is easier for newly transitioned ones to touch us through it. This feeling will be one of pure LOVE. You will feel total PEACE. You will think of them in that moment for they are near. You may feel a slight breeze on the cheek, goosebumps across the shoulders. Smile, because you have just been kissed or hugged by an angel.

My grandfather visited me in this way the evening after he died in 1988. Through him I felt the PURE LOVE of God. I can say that it's a good thing we are kept behind the Veil because the LOVE of Heaven is so attractive, as soon as you feel it, you must go there. Were we to feel its full strength unfiltered by the Veil, every Human on Earth would gladly return there instantaneously without question.

Because of this experience, I now consciously remember the Love of God. Rather like the movie "Contact", I can try to explain it to others, but they do not understand because they have not experienced it. They believe this, they believe that. But I just smile because I know they can believe whatever they want -- it doesn't change what IS.

At Home there is no judgement, no want, no lack, no fear, no pain, only LOVE. Do you remember as a child, playing outside all day long, coming in and your mother had prepared your favorite meal, then you take a hot bath and dress in clean pajamas and slip between the cool clean sheets of your bed to sleep and you lie there, looking up at the stars out your window and sigh because it is all so perfect and you are so happy?

This is where your dear ones have gone.


Date: 6/19/04 7:59:35 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Kent, if it's ok I'll just sit here next to you for a bit.


Whatever you do, don’t shut off your pain; accept your pain and remain vulnerable. However desperate you become, accept your pain as it is, because it is in fact trying to hand you a priceless gift: the chance of discovering, through spiritual practice, what lies behind sorrow.

“Grief,” Rumi wrote, “can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.”


Date: 6/19/04 10:18:37 PM Pacific Daylight Time


I believe in reincarnation. I'm not sure of the mechanics, but I carry memories from earlier epochs as if they happened yesterday, and I have no other way to explain them. I suppose all time periods are connected at some level. I like to think we have all chosen to incarnate on Earth at specific times, even if we sometimes forget why.

I know that but for the love of creation, I could have died several times, but for some reason I have been spared. I mean miraculously spared--where no logic could explain my survival. My conclusion is that I still have some work to do--that is, like all of us, I have something to share and something to learn. I like to think no one goes before their time, and that if it seems a life has been taken prematurely, then the bigger picture has merely been hidden temporarily.

With all the uncertainty in the world, I try to live every day as if it is my last, knowing all the while that everything is alive and connected and unified at the deepest, most sublime level. Time is illusory and all that matters most, love, lives on and on, simply changing forms to test us, and push us to let go of illusions, to see the bigger picture.


Date: 6/19/04 10:33:48 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Hello Kent,

I too have had a near-death experience and also have been psychic to some degree since birth. I have had a "guardian" called "Andrew" who introduced himself to me when I was 14 years old. No one else could see him. To me he appeared as a tall, nice-looking man of about 29 or so, with red hair and a neatly trimmed beard. He was British and informed me that he and I had been married in another life. We had both worked for the R.A.F. and been killed in a plane crash.

I never told anyone about Andrew or what he looked like as I grew up. My father got terminal cancer and had to go to the hospital for some time. One night, when I was home alone, Andrew came to me and told me that he was going to try and contact my Father at the hospital and tell him something that would make him less afraid of dying. Andrew asked me to please write down what he was going to tell my Father in case, Andrew failed in delivering his message. I wrote it down and here it is:

When a tree gets ready for Winter it can only wait in quiet faith for the Spring. Worrying whether or not the Spring will come will not increase or decrease it's wait. Quiet faith and a hope filled spirit will make the winter pass more easily. Winter, though most consider it the bleakest of times, is actually a well spring of latent hope and potential. Life waits in patient hope beneath the surface of seeming lifelessness. There is no death, only energy transforming into different forms and possibilities. Does the hard, brown, Tulip bulb see it's transformation into a soft, fabulous, flower as death, something to be dreaded, or, in it's transformation, does it lose its past completely to totally be in the present as a flower? Do not dread death, child! It is the potential of the stored up or accumulated life experience exploding forth in a glorious, spiritual, bloom! It is the next logical step! Rejoice in the Soul's rebirth! And birth can be painful, but time will ease the pain on this plane and Truth will utterly remove it on the other side, revealing it to be nothing more than the illusion of loss.

My father told me the next day, that he had seen a red haired man with a British accent who had been on the TV and told him what I had started to read him that Andrew had dictated to me. The information Andrew was able to give my Father made his passing easier for him.

There is no place where God is not. We are all just musical notes adding our unique songs to the collective symphony of discovery that sings through the entire universe.


Date: 6/20/04 12:35:38 AM Pacific Daylight Time


Haven't written in some time. I have been taking a back seat view for now. Still watching and helping from the sidelines. My condolences first and my hope that you see light, hope and renewal in death as I do. This current prison is not the norm nor easy. I believe your ex is in the middle of her favorite work of art. Wishing there that you could create the one you will reside in.


Subj: Life, Death and Passage

Dear Kent,

Because you have asked I'll share some of my experiences with dying and death. Death first visited me when I was very young, five years old, and held my father's hand as he died at a young age of a heart attack. Then as a teenager of eighteen I wept as my adored mother died. I wish I had known when I was younger what I know now, the grief still comes with my more recent losses but the Knowing sweeps it to another place faster.

Perhaps because of these early losses I became a Hospice Counselor and there learned about death in a none "taboo" way. I could write a book about my experiences at Hospice.

As Death approaches and the dying process begins no pain is actually felt. I once attended a patient who was having seizures that could not be controlled. The RN tried everything to relieve the perceived agony until the patient finally told him to just hold her hand as she was floating above us and felt none of the discomfort.

As one dies the hearing remains, even after clinical death. No one dies alone, Kubler-Ross writes of this, too. There is always an angel or family member or some welcome guide that comes to visit and assist in the transition. Sometimes people are visited long before, days, the actual death. I have spoken with literally dozens of people who had "visitors." Interestingly, to me anyway, for many in my experience they had a beloved Grandmother visit. Another woman was talking to her husband outside the window, we were on the fourth floor, they had been divorced for years. She was very happy he was there. The adult children were upset about it because they couldn't get in touch with him. Unknown to all of us he had been killed in a car accident the day before.

I have personally spoken with about a dozen people who had had Near Death Experiences - when I was talking with them they were dying again. NONE of them were afraid of death, all shared their stories willingly with me. I noted that they all had been aware of their surroundings from the perspective of the ceiling and "floating." Time was meaningless and they immediately visited loved ones in many different areas. All of them shared a common belief that they still had something to do so they could not "stay" where they were and had to return. The "something" they had to do always involved loving someone else and had nothing to do with "life" affairs as we think of them.

For all it was a very wonderful experience and they showed no fear or regret at another departure. Several of them, devote Catholics BTW, had come to believe in reincarnation. I believe every Spirit that leaves has completed what it came here to do, no one dies too young or too fast, except perhaps in some accidental or violent deaths.

After death has come the Spirit will always visit. Those left here can look and listen and sometimes even smell the visit. I don't mean there will be a ghostly visit, although that is possible, I mean some reminder or possibly a dream. Many people will see an animal or hear a voice or feel a presence.One woman could smell he husband's pipe tobacco for some weeks after his death, another heard his wife of 52 years humming upstairs.Many many have "awake" dreams of seeing their loved ones.In my Grief Sessions often people would share their experiences with some embarrassment, afraid people will think them silly or wacky. None of these experiences should be discounted as fancies of the grieving mind, for in fact they are as real as the sunrise.

Grief is our way of separating and should not be cut short or dismissed by the mind. However, we should all look for those visits. In the time after death the departed should be remembered with love and joy and thankfulness for the time shared in this Time. Visiting a spot we shared with them, lighting a candle and praying/quietly thinking of them, playing their music. Important to remember the body may die, the love does goes on and on.

I hope you will find some of these thoughts of use to you in your time of loss.


Subj: re Life and the hereafter.

Date: 6/20/04 8:33:30 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Dear Kent;

Your site is amazing,I would be lost without it.Hopefully soon I will be able to send you some support.

I am sorry to hear of your great loss.I too have lost a beloved brother in 1973 age 17 in a car accident.To make a long story short,there were 3 brothers and somehow we knew one of us would not make it to old age.Since Terry and I were the closest we had the same beliefs and confided in each other.So on that fateful day in October he stole a car with 3 buddies and went jjoyriding to Washington state.Due to exhaustion and being awake for 2 days he fell asleep at the wheel and the var flipped 4 or 5 times.Everyone else survived,he dies 3 days later in a come never yo awaken.

Moving ahead to 6 months later.I am still grieving but most of it has subsided.

I was working at Smittys pancake house in Vancouver,B.C. as a short order cook as I was doing my cleanup alone in the front of the empty restaurant I felt the hairs on the back of my head literally stand up and then my brother with the firmest grip grabbed me on my right shoulder I instinctively turned around to see no one there[how could there be!]At this precise moment he literally walked through me sending a cold blast through my entire upper body[remember this is in a kitchen searing hot with no windows]

After this I never grieved for him again and I felt his presence once more a few months later to let me know he was moving on.

Now sometimes I telll this and people say I imagined it,well I wasn't on drugs I know what thats like and furthermore my brother and I had a personal pact to contact the other if we should ever lose one another.

I hope this story has eased your suffering if only a little.

May all that is bless you with health and comfort in your time of sorrow.

Yours truly,


Subj: Passing on....

Date: 6/20/04 5:36:07 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Dear Kent,

Mega condolances.

My uncle passed away at a nursing home in Deer Park WA. He was a kindly old coot, I have many fond memories. But the night he died, a tornado touched down on their family farm in deer park, tearing the roof off the milk barn and knocking a tree down cutting the phone lines to the house. My brother thinks he was celebrating the fact that he would never have to milk a cow again. What are the chances that it was just a coincidence? Tornados are quite rare in WA.

My father-in-law passes away soon after his wife. The family gathered in Plentywood MT for the funeral. That evening the arora borialis was in full display, something they had never seen as children. My wife and her two sisters were discussing his passing outside in the evening, when one sister told her that she really wanted a sign that they were all ok. In short order the arora display seemed to go in arcing bands right over their house. They stood and watched. An ovel opened inside one of the bands and two figures could clearly be seen. It grew larger. It was clearly two figures in long flowing gowns, one male and one female. My wife said, "Dad, your gown in so beautiful!"

For the sisters who whitnessed this very true event, they know that these signs were real and were clearly showing their parents safe on the other side.


Subj: Life and Death

Date: 6/21/04 3:25:59 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Hello Kent

You asked for some opinions on this matter, so this is my interpretation. I believe when one dies you don't go to heaven or hell, lets call it the 5th dimension. I believe that's where one's soul goes to reassess your past life, your experiences what did you learn from them, how did they shape your life. I believe it's also a time to recover from the earth experience to let your soul heal a little bit (Earth can be ruthless at times). I believe we live many lives each one a series of lessons, how well they imprint on the soul and what you learn you might see at the 5th. I believe these experiences might influence the next life you lead. The bodies are gone but the souls continue. Just my opinion, Take care Kent.


Date: 6/21/04 10:18:34 AM Pacific Daylight Time


The beat goes on! Feel your heartbeat and understand that when you are out free floating (in my case an expanded awareness experience), you hear that expansion and contraction, just like your heartbeat. When the beat is taken from this plane, it goes to live in its true element, and becomes universal again. The vastness of what we are becomes incomprehensible with our limited intellect.

The body is a temple which contains all that has ever been and all that will ever be. As we deconstruct the temple on this plane, we are remodeling the spirit temple on the other side. That construction and deconstruction takes an entire lifetime here, but happens in the blink of an eye on the other side.

Kent, I have been shown so much that sometimes it overwhelms me how far I have come since that beautiful experience in December of 1994. I have been given a scientific formula for this life experience. S=HO3. If you want to know what this means, I will share with you.


Date: 6/21/04 7:49:46 AM Pacific Daylight Time

I'm sorry for your losses. To me life is cyclical and never-ending. Those who we loved will see us again and in a higher realm. When we are ready, we will all rejoin each other to learn more lessons in another existence to re-live love, pain, joy, and sorrow. Each exsistance is given to enrich our eternal souls and forge everlasting bonds. Each body is mearly a vessel housing this life's experiences. Once we leave this existence we remember all that has been ever experienced by each of our vessels. Death is mearly a transition to another vessel. All that we are is never lost. We are added to and refined over the eons. Religion is just a context of reference for us to cope with things that cannot be easily put into words or thought. Religions are all one in the same but tailored to ones cultural and personal needs at the time we live. The war and strife of this earth is a battle for acceptance and understanding which each of us yearns for, but as a group consciousness are to immature at this time to attain. God is always there even when we don't feel it. God is Budda, Christ, God, Allah, the Great Mother, Father, Nature, etc. Different names but one source that we all struggle to understand. Love is the greatest force in the universe. Hate the most useless and destructive. Love and peace and may your heart heal in time. A CHILD OF ALL RELIGIONS


Date: 6/21/04 7:46:48 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Hi Kent,

I just wanted to write and say I'm sorry for your recent losses. Where I  work, a lot of coworker's parents have passed on in the past few weeks. And  at one funeral I heard the priest give a very nice eulogy where he told this  story.. he said that when you are a little kid and you go down to the  seashore to watch the you its just beautiful, you stare out  and watch the boats drifting along in their currents. As you play and enjoy  the sun and the sand, when you look back out at the boats they are farther  out and moving farther and farther away out against the horizon, until  eventually they slip over the horizon. To you, it looks like the boats are gone..but that is ONLY becuase you can't  see them. In fact, the boats continue sailing on the sea only they are on  the other side of the horizon now. For someone standing on the other side  waiting for is a welcome homecoming as they watch them come into  view.


Date: 6/21/04 8:49:30 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Sifting through too many layers of alleged reality is too hard on the hardware; is my latest revelation. Right now, I'm trying to find a reality I want to live in and ignoring the reality THEY want me to think I'm a prisoner of. I'm starting to think they can actually addict people to fear with all this continuous crap. If you're not scared to death of the "terrorists" then you will be scared to death of the "government". (Or aliens, or asteroids, or the jews or the catholics or something/anything/everything, once they get you hooked on the drama/entertainment/sludge of docuterror as shown on fox news). Not having too much luck finding/creating reality(s) I would like to inhabit yet, but concede that the freaky-assed alternatives that be have played a big part in my motivational level of searchatude. I really hope this is true for significant numbers of other people too, because my lifelong search for answers so far as yielded exactly two axioms I can trust completely on all occasions: Love (Trust) is good, and Hate (Fear) is bad. If we stay in this world of fear THEY are inspiring, we will end up in their net, with naught left but the struggle and final gasp. The reality looking best to me right now is this very moment, when I can banish fear and feel love, no guarantees but maybe we don't need them? THAT idea frees one up considerably... The implication that more (or some, in my case...) security, wealth, health, time, etc. ad nauseaum, is some kind of guarantee against what we are afraid of doesn't really stand up all that well under close inspection, it's just that the corporate/cartel mind is so good at convincing us otherwise. When I pull back from the anxiety/trainwreck of the American Psyche and just trust that Love can beat Hate, if I choose that option, then I'm in control again. Back at the center of this infinite, Sacred Universe, things are looking a lot clearer, stay away from the circumference, which is nowhere. Peace


Date: 6/21/04 9:11:06 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Just the form passes spirit doesn't I was a hospice volunteer. When one patient passed I saw the beings that came for them and I asked him "who is here" The reply was, "my kin they, came to get me."and his body started to float up.

He passed two hours later. His spirit came to me in the morning after and said "Thank You." I had told him it was alright to go everything was taken care of on this side. He was holding on worrying about his wife and suffering terribly. As soon as he knew it was " OK" to go he left in peace.


Subj: Life and Death

There is no life or death, just connectivity. This way to the rabbit hole my friend. Get the 29 Megacycles book while you can, sometimes very hard to get, right now they are very cheap. World ITC has alot of free books online.


Date: 6/21/04 11:46:08 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Hi Kento This poem sums it all up for me.

I am a full time working Medium, serving Church's across the South East of England, proving survival after death to countless grieving mum's, dad's, son's, daughter's, friends. We all survive death regardless of race creed colour or religion. YOU CANNOT DIE FOR THE LIFE OF YOU!

The following poem came to me in the middle of the night. I awoke to see this young man, who gave me this to give to his Mum. She used to come each week to church for healing. The following day she came for healing as normal and said that her Son had passed over to Spirit during the night. She said that she had had a dream and saw her Son who told her that he was going to tell me a poem, to give to her. She asked did I think that it was just her imagination, wishfull thinking, wanting so much to see him. I produced the following poem having typed it up as he gave it to me. I gave it to her before she finished asking the question. His message is for all of us kent. Please find comfort in his words.


Another day I saw you cry
Oh my Love, I have not died
I see you grieve at each new morn
Please dry your tears, I’ve been reborn

Into a fuller life, it’s true
I have not lost my link with you
When you talk to me I always draw near
Thanks for your love and the way that you care

You thought you had lost me, it’s really not true
I hear all of your prayers, I promise I do
Each night as you lay your head on the pillow
I see you weeping, just like a willow

It makes me so sad watching you cry
As I snuggle up to comfort you, there as you lie
And when you finally drift off to sleep
I’m really overjoyed, as it’s then that we meet

I show you all round this beautiful place
And we share in the wonder, peace and grace
Then in the morning when you arise
I’ll watch as you wipe the tears from your eyes

Not tears of grief, shed as you mourn
But tears of great joy, as you’ll know I’m reborn


Date: 6/21/04 11:59:06 AM Pacific Daylight Time

Dear Kento

My question is why do we have to stay? That's how I felt when my dear Mom passed away - we were best buddies and she was a special soul. We belonged to a cultish religion that believed that when you were dead - you were gone. But before she died, I walked into her hospital room and she grabbed my hand and looked me right in the eye and said "I have seen the other side, they are all waiting for me, God's light is wonderful and I'm not afraid anymore". I said "Mom, I don't understand what you are talking about" she just waived that away and said "I know you don't think you know, but you do, I'm so proud of you". I was at the hospital when she died but could not stand to be in the room - being of an artistic nature, that was just too intense for me - thank the Goddess my husband was not afraid to be there. But I then saw an apparition of my Mom with an angel at each side of her guiding her up - she had the most beautiful smile on her face and was waving goodbye to me. When my husband came out and said it was over, I said I knew I saw her go.

My heart literally hurt for a year or so. But of all the events in my life, that one has changed my life the most dramatically. I got out of that religion, with great difficulty and started my search. I think my parents originally became JW's because I scared them to death (could make lightening, could float, new how to talk to animals and plants, meditated in lotus position, very strange child) getting back to that way of knowing has been or is a long trek - 52 now so more than 20 years.

I think you have many levels of opportunity in your life to grow and can check out with more or less of the stuff covered, those of us that remain must have something else to offer to the grand drama. Maybe it's a sense of loving and care for the planet and others - maybe all of us of like mind are holding the light for those last few people that may step up (they work best under pressure, Ha!)

We are all going through changes, - do your personal best, forgive others - no bless them - it will be alright in the end -

My Mother, Betty said so.

Luv and Blessings


Date: 6/21/04 4:06:35 PM Pacific Daylight Time

Aloha, Kent,

I saw your note about sharing our spiritual/cosmic experiences. The need to share - helped me to know what others had gone through, and helps to figure out why this has been a taboo subject, in the Christian Religions of the west, anyway, and for how long? I don't really want this posted, as some of this is pretty personal, but this is for you.

Einstein - the religion of the future will be a perfect merging (or, blending) of science and spirituality...

Superstring theory in physics has now proven the existence of at least 11 dimensions, The Elegant Universe, by Brain Greene.

My wife was diagnosed on August 14, 2002, and went Angel on November 3, 2003. I'd known her since I was six years old. She was my Earth Goddess. She refused conventional treatment, and we waded through a whack of alternative treatments; they seemed to come to us out of the woodwork.

She had a real Earth Spirituality, whereas I have worked all kinds of things, and in particular, I am a friend of Patricia Pereira, from Boise, author of the four volume Arcturian Star Chronicles, channeled material, pretty high level science and spirituality merged in these volumes. Teo used to tell me she really did not want to talk about my Ultraterrestrial buddies, or Archangels, Ascended Masters, or anything much else I yammered about.

She was Unconditional Love, a completely committed Mother with two adult sons, and the young one is a crack addict. I am the co-executor of her estate

Anyhow, three months after she transitioned, I received the following, from [friend to friend]:

I am blessed by your receptivity and willingness to help my effort to contact my loved ones. I see clearer now and have less expectation of my son who is unwilling to transit, yet is unhappy in life. He must not unduly concern himself with his welfare. He is on the path he has chosen.

I complete my initial training soon and I would like my Soul Element (that would be Larry) to know I will be unavailable for a brief period, but will soon return. I am to go on a star journey where I will see many things. Somewhat like your husband (Clifton Pereira) did in his early stages. I will be able to project thought from time-to-time as my family is not ready to let me entirely go. My spiritual substance will be traveling.

Tell him that I will be with the Arcturians, with whom I am newly reacquainted.

They are putting me on a "scout" ship for we are to explore a new planet. I am told the colors and harmonies there are quite delightful.

I am very excited and wish for my Soul family on Earth to know this. This is only temporary and I will return.

Gratefully yours,

Well, what do you know - Arcturians... As I struggled with the addict kid, I asked a month later for a little more clarification on what she meant, and received a pretty detailed answer. It ended, in part, with this:

I ask L. to endeavor to pull his consciousness to my level and way of viewing things and to ascertain my Joy at being free from suffering of all kinds and the freedom I have gained to envelop myself in a state of Bliss.

I am grateful to P. for assisting in this communication. You have freed me from earthly concerns so I can now return to cosmic play. I journey unhindered.

There was much comfort in my knowing she was not only OK, she was/is great! And, stuck me with the kids.. ;o)

Gregg Braden (Awakening to Zero Point) and Laurence Gardner (Bloodline of the Holy Grail) both do very good jobs of tracking where the taboos came from - the illusions of duality and separation that create the death fear. Eighty some scrolls left out of the bible, primarily if they 1. referenced reincarnation, or 2. referenced the Power of the Divine Feminine. Part of the old dark force control mechanism, or fallen angels, another way to look at it. If one believes that some priest or ayatollah can condemn you to eternal damnation, then, they have a better chance of controlling you. If you KNOW you go to higher realms, and can come back when you're ready, then they can't control you - they can kill you, for about a minute, but they can't control you.

Anyhow, ya old coot, hope this helps.

With Love and Respect,

From another old coot, once upon a time guitar player from Calgary, Alberta.