You have to believe:

1. The aids virus is God´s punishment for those less-than-human African women and children, as well as those damn homosexuals and other "sinners" having pre-marital sex. It is not the civic or moral responsibility of human beings to help ease the suffering of these victims.

2. Right wing politicians, KKK leaders, and NRA militia freaks, etc... are selfless "American" heroes while teachers and university professors are overpaid lefties.

3. Emissions from SUVs do not adversely affect the environment.

4. Guns in the hands of neanderthal rednecks or nuclear weapons in the hands of their moronic elected president do not pose any threat to global stability.

5. Business interests do not create any oppression or injustice. Those people in the third world are just dying (literally and figuratively) to have their land stolen and their livelihoods taken away by those big multinationals...after all, it´s all in the name of efficiency and consumer demand!

6. Self-esteem is derived from spending your weekends with the skinheads and/or kkk screaming "white-power!", or from your church leader telling you who to condemn as he takes your money to buy prostitutes and child porn.

7. Art? who needs it anyways? There is no more room in my double-wide trailer...It´s full of Hitler/Limbaugh posters and NRA stickers already.

8. The ACLU are a bunch of whinny people fighting for civil rights...while the NRA are the true "defenders of freedom" (as in backwards rednecks with nothing better to do than to shoot cans on the weekends hoping to uphold an obsolete and distorted version of the 2nd amendment).

9. 100% of taxes should be used for military oppression and imperialism...well, maybe 90%...the rest is for the deportation of all non-whites, and the crucifixion of all non-christians.

10. Tests based mostly (if not entirely) on dead white men, their culture, and their language are not a biased way to assess young minority students.

11. National pride is based on how many foreign people our military can exterminate so they will no longer argue that we are the greatest. USA is always right by default!

12. America should always start unjust wars. "Make no mistake, the American way of life is not negotiable."

13. Why is our immoral president getting a bl*w j*b? He should be planning our next “pre-emptive” attack to divert the masses from the crappy economy!

14. Huh? We want lower taxes, and the mightiest military…oh yeah, simple math, take funding away from social security and education to buy those new tanks.

15. The way to improve public schools is to stop teaching humanities and turn them all into technical schools so that we can all be part of the production line, living in complete ignorance and apathy to the rest of the world. And compulsory Christian prayers please!!! We need some more religious leaders to show us the way!!

16. Activists who spend their lives fighting for the environment actually don’t care about it, hunters do...they like to shoot helpless animals for fun.

17. Good ole boys down south can make the best economic and foreign policy decisions: buy more weapons and kill them all, let God sort them out!

18. Being a televangelist, or a country-rock star- turned NRA freak, qualifies you to speak out on public policy.

19. Hilary Clinton is a bad woman. She should have spent less time on her education and more time staying at home learning how to be a wife and how to give blowj*bs so that her husband wouldn’t have to go elsewhere!

20. A handful of Religious wackos who bomb federal buildings killing hundreds of Americans, including many children, are not a threat to public safety.

21. Existing laws, passed hundreds of years ago, should be strictly enforced. Who needs modern legislation? Bring back the inquisition, the burnings, and the witch-hunts…let’s kill all those heretics!

22. Let’s tax the poor and convince them of the trickle-down bullsh*t we’ve been spewing….that will definitely help the budget deficit.

"Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives." (John Stuart Mill)